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Owner of Social Media Site Formerly Known as Twitter Elon Musk Reportedly Rethinking Calling Tweets X's, Details More Changes

A source familiar with the inner workings of Twitter, now known as X, reported that in a recent internal discussion, Elon Musk decided to rethink calling Tweets "X's", and suggested a better name could be "Divorces". "We were thinking that you could have Divorces, so why not have Redivorces, too? People sometimes get married multiple times and decide that who they were previously with wasn't good enough for their superior intellect, right?"

Our source also stated that Elon Musk is mulling over making ratios an official feature of X, with Elon again deciding a good name could be "Disowns". "It could help me get over my [daughter; we don't want to be canceled here in our news room] deciding [she; again, we'd rather not be canceled] doesn't think I'm a good father, which is just a silly idea to begin with. I mean, who could be a better father than the guy that named his son a bunch of random numbers and letters? Don't tell anyone I said that about naming it 'Disowns', I need to pretend I'm smart and not a malignant narcissist who repels family members." "Disowns" will also reportedly become competitions to see who can "Disown" a post the fastest, with the winner receiving a substantial bounty of a new cryptocurrency planned to be introduced for X named "Xcoin". Users will be able to send "Xcoins" to other users' "Xboxes", which is basically a bank account for storing "Xcoins". Elon says this quote "won't get me in trouble with regulators or Microsoft, I'm sure," end quote.


The Onion, please hire me

(for legal reasons, the above blog post is parody/satire)

(except the part where I corrected pronoun usage based on what he'd probably say; I'd never misgender someone on purpose, that's just wrong)